That moment of impact when life changes irrevocably becomes etched into our hearts, bodies, trauma response, our soul. It may be a huge event or just a tiny moment of realisation, but it’s there. It may be life shattering or it may be the last straw in a long, slow and often silent decline.
But it’s there…right? Can you find it. That moment when you knew life could and would never be the same. It couldn’t continue as it was. Sometimes here we are smashed out of blissful ignorance that change was upon us and sometimes we have been ignoring the impending impact, knowing something has to change but we don’t yet have the courage to bring it forth.
And then. There it is. That moment. Of no return.
This moment is when we realise life is messy. It doesn’t fit in a box. It doesn’t have neat edges and it most certainly can never be controlled. Life has its own heart beat and we can fight this or surrender to its call and often we end up doing both. I know I did. I know I still do. The dance between surrender to the call into the mystery, the wilderness of my own heart where I haven’t searched and expressed before. The places where I am vulnerable and I refuse to rest into that and instead battle, ignore resist and fight where I know I need to go. I cause my own pain in these moments. Through lack of faith, where past hurts and traumas still dictate what the future may bring. Where I have refused to learn the beautiful lessons these events brought and instead relentlessly hang onto my fears of lack and unsafety.
And then comes the moment when I can’t resist any longer. When I just need to take the step. I have grown beyond my fears in that moment and my heart, mind and body all say yes….or at least a solid maybe. That’s when I surrender and that’s when life shines. Always there is joy at the end of that expression, that forward, brave step as I expand my edges out a bit further.
There have been times when I have had no choice but to change. When life has smashed me, torn down the structures I knew weren’t working but refused to face or change. That’s where despair lived. Believing life didn’t have my back, that I was being punished and that I didn’t know if I had what it took to create a better life. Such painful times of devastation.
But I found it. That spark of light to take the next step, to rebuild, to express more deeply and authentically.
It’s a dance this journey with life, a great big messy dance with no edges and no rights or wrongs. So let’s turn off the tragic soundtrack, put on a pumping tune, throw off our shoes and dance wildly to this crazy game of life. You are not alone in this dance, we are all here with you, some of us aren’t even on the dancefloor yet. But life will never leave us idle on the sidelines. She calls to us to be brave, wild and free so let’s step into that together.
Special thanks to Taylor Ann Wright for the photograph.