Do your actions align with your true values? Values shape our world & can also be a source of grief & stress.
Why? Because we
▫️ hold values we think we should have
▫️ we live values we have been taught by our parents and society that often don’t align with our true values, and
▫️ our true values often don’t align with societies version of what a woman’s life should look like.
Exploring the values you live by, versus the values you actually believe in is one of the most potent exercises in reorienting your life.
We all have values we say we have eg family, financial security, balance, authentic service to others, creative expression etc etc…but if our daily actions are not a reflection of these values then they are not the values we are living by.
An example from my own life came a few years ago when I realised one of my highest values was creative expression. I would champion everyone in expression of their truth, following their passions and letting their voice be heard….but I was not giving this to myself. I realised I was valuing comfort, the status quo, obligation to others and being busy over both creative expression and expressing my own voice. (truth be told I still struggle with some of these on and off in my life today). We often struggle with the values deeply in our heart most important to us.
VALUES SHAPE OUR DAILY ACTIONS (and vice versa) and therefore they shape our life experiences. They are perhaps singularly the most important driver in our quest to orient our life so it is an expression of our truth.
Values need to be defined into OUTCOMES & ACTIONS ie what does it look like in my day to day life if I am living this value…?
What NEEDS to CHANGE?
What NEEDS to be ADDED?
What NEEDS to GO?
Let’s take the examples above:
If family is one of your highest values then take the time to define that into actions. Does it mean creating quality, connected relationships with each member of your family. Spending regular, fun, quality time with them…if so are you doing this and if not what needs to change so you can truly feel aligned with this value? What is quality time? What does each person love to do that will create quality connections…and how often does it need to happen? Hint it is often a lot less than what you think when you do that thing that really matters.
This is often a value that is important to women as we have relied on others to provide our financial security in past generations…and it can be used to mask other more important values. Ie we stay in jobs we hate far too long for the perceived financial security…sometimes we also do this for fear of leaning into other important values like balance, creative expression, family etc. It is a tricky value that requires careful exploration. Is it a fear driven value or is it a true heart-centred value? Other values that can replace this one or support it may be: receiving wealth in all its forms, seeking new opportunities for expressing your gifts, opening to infinite supply, healing all blocks to wealth and receiving etc etc. It should be noted here if we say financial security is a high value but then spend frivolously outside our means on meaningless things not aligned with our values, we do not value financial security, we value consumerism.
Service to others:
This is a value many women aspire to uphold this lifetime. Where this one gets muddy is in obligation and denial of self when serving others. This is part of the cultural training of our society for many women. We give and give, serve and serve…but there is a sincere difference between authentic and meaningful contribution and service to others that is aligned with our highest purpose…and doing for others. Which are you aligned with? Often we align with both and over time we can tidy this up by reigning in people pleasing, martyrdom in our service to others and honouring that others are just as capable and powerful as we are. They can care more for themselves, so we can authentically and meaningfully serve in a way we feel passionate about.
If you value creative expression, but never do anything creative yourself, hold yourself back in speaking your truth or hide your passions away then this value is out of alignment. Many women value creative expression in their kids/friends, champion those around them to take time to create and follow their passions, but then do not afford themselves the same creative expression. We are creators by nature. This is a powerful value that women often hold but neglect for themselves. What is expression to you? What do you love to do that is creative and joyful for you? Where do you hold yourself back and what would letting yourself express look like? What actions can you bring into your life to support your full and unbridled expression.
This value often comes after crisis and calls for a major life overhaul. We often support others to find balance but are unable to create it in our own lives (often because we are supporting others to have it!!) If your outer world feels chaotic and you hold balance as a value, explore what balance means to you and what you need to let go of and bring into your daily life to create more true, heart-centred balance. One area many women neglect to include in a life of balance is nourishment…nourishment can be food and exercise of course but nourishment is also relaxed time in nature, spiritual connection, loving connection with others, time alone, creativity, outer beauty, meditation etc etc. There are many definitions for women on what a balanced life should look like. More important is what is balance and nourishment to you?